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John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Trailer Reviews: The Wrestler

At the Wrestler...back in Portland

8ish people in theater

City, atm, people, corruption, clive owen, bank, ended up dead or dissapeared, can't allow anyone to put our agenda at risk, has to be a way to bring down this bank, naomi watts "The International" - looks like one gigantic cliche

Ruins, year 2018, judgement day, machines, outnumbered, running, this isn't the future my mother warned me about, at war, explosions, win or lose-this war ends tonight - Terminator Salvation - Bale's an ass but movie looks good.

Guy thrown out window, visually stunning, superheroes, one of us died tonight, maybe someone is picking off costume heroes, dude with sock over his face, we can save this world, why would I save a world I no longer have any stake in, producer's of 300, hell of a lot going on - "Watchmen"

Huge jackman, all the horrible things in your life, father, war, helicopter, special team special privildges, embrace the other siden killing, explosions, bullseye? Liev schrieber some animal guy, motorcycles - "X-Men Origin - Wolverine"
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AFTER:

A bit contrived. I'm in the Penn camp.

John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Trailer Review: Slumdog Edition

Live from San Mateo, Ca, where he's on a job-whatever it is he does when he's not catching matinees at malls--it's the triumphant return of John Jay's incisive reviews of the comedy manna we know as movie trailers.

20 people in theater

On with the reviews...

I like that Danny Boyle mixes things up

Audio is fucked up for Wolverine trailer huge jackman, scientist, he's ripped for film, can't hear a damn thing, the origin, looks like daredevil and electra are in film.

Still nbo audio

Huge stadium. Millions of people, tom hanks, angels and demons

Still no sound

Kid I like from bad wearwolf movie and roger dodger, early '80s, funny cop from Superbad, nerds, ryan reynolds (who's gotten too good looking) , from director of Superbad, the best times of his life " Adventureland"

Old people getting in uproar about no audio

Chick ish flick that already came out - anniston, affleck, scarlett looking really blonde, barrymore, long, sound came on "he's just not that into you"

Movie's starting.
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John Jay's Real Time BlackBerry Trailer Reviews: Harold & Kumar 2, Electric Boogaloo

I review some trailers for your ass even though it is highly doubtful in will make it to your fucking blog...

Harold and Kumar

I am the only one in the theater - that's scary.

Dale denton - that is good weed, james franco, seth rogeson- good dope "like god's vagina" seth sees murder, bad guys huntiing stoners, in a dumpster, thug life, hijinks galore, my thumb is my cock...Pineapple Express

Changed things forever, no going back, you're just a freak like me, Heath brilliant as Joker, batcycle looks cool, let's put a smile on that face, Darknight oh fuck ya

Maybe its the cold wind, or the strange rumblings beneath the streets, wow, creatures , underworld, tentacles, battles, firegirl, "now you've pissed me off" Hellboy 2 yes yes yes

In a time when a world is searching for happiness, love guru, mike meyers, slapstick, site gags, sorry I didn't catch your gnome name, has to get hockey player back with his wife, jessica alba, justin timberlake, no no no Love Guru

John Jay's Real Time BlackBerry Trailer Reviews: AVPR

I slacked and didn't post this in real time, or indeed in any timely manner. Is it funny to read trailer reviews after the movies they are advertising are out? Maybe. Perhaps it's appropriate to be finally posting these on Oscar Day, the last big stop in Hollywood's marketing cycle. I've come to find the whole breathless glorification of movies on this day a little insipid--aren't they constantly celebrated in the deluge of marketing that accompanies their releases (see below) and by everyone yammering incessantly about them in lieu of talking about anything substantial, like books, or pressing global crises? Does the film business really need to throw itself a party, given how completely it dominates our culture?

This is over two months old. Mea Culpa, John Jay, Mea Maxima Culpa. A couple excerpts from Jay's complete real time trailer review(and now he does the features  after the jump.

2:48: "I like how they add the Requiem to give Alien v. Predator some class..."

3:09 "God help me this dialogue is bad....

...Killing better start soon"

John Jay's Real Time BlackBerry Trailer (and Feature) Reviews: The Mist

John's blowing off cold-calling potential clients this afternoon for The Mist! Note: EXTENSIVE SPOILERS.

12:37 PM: Color me excited. Just to set the record staight, my last 4 films have been critically acclaimed so it is time for a little schlocky eye candy...

Ad for 300...THIS IS SPARTA...wait a minute. It is a spoof. Meet the Spartans...oh no

Michael Cain voice...some men just want to watch the world burn, "The Dark Knight" quickie

I'm not infected, I'm a survivor living in ny city, will smith and dog all buffed, alone in the city, I like the grass growing in streets, it is getting dark, eerie sounds, running in dark, fast creatures and bad ass mutant dogs, "I Am Legend"

Chick in shock, clubs, parties, nighjtmares, panic, "Amusement"

Here we go...yes yes excited. A decently reviewed horror film don't come along often.

REAL TIME FEATURE REVIEW AFTER THE JUMP--YOU START TO GET THE IDEA THAT SITTING BEHIND JOHN JAY IN A THEATRE WOULD BE ANNOYING.

John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Trailer Reviews: Michal Clayton

About 25 people for 740Pm showing of Michael Clayton

I guess George is on everyone's list (Editor's note: The rabidly hetero John Jay has a short list of male crushes: Clooney and Clive top the list.)

Rolling Stones concert film by Marty Scorcese, looks good, setting up shots, talking about camera's on stage, early Mick interviews, Jack from White Stripes, "Shine a Light" looks fun

Wedding dress and cake, chick from Knocked up, bridesmaid 27 times, ed burns,  sister steps in, James Marsden, "27 Dresses" stop it chick flick

Congressman, Tom Hanks, Julia Robert, texas congressman, Afghanistan attacking Soviet Union, money for Afghan weapons, funneling money but he's a good guy, "Charlie Wilson's War" we will see. Tom Hanks sure needs a hit.

Hilary Swank, Irish guy, in love, guy dies, she's getting letters from the grave to make her happy, lisa kudrow, gina gershon, sappu sappy, "P.S. I Love You" stop with chick flicks

Perfer horror movie trailers.

Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, dying men in hospital, living out last moments on adventures, jack hasn't seen his daughter, "The Bucket List" fuck me sap sap sap

Let's go...

John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Trailer (And Movie) Reviews: 30 Days Of Night

John Jay's in Seattle this week where he's flaking on seeing Richard Russo read from his new book, and instead taking the low road and catching a 7:15 show of 30 DAYS OF NIGHT.

7: 18: Smattering of people for 30 Days of Night at the Oak Tree Cinemas in North Seattle

Away we go...

Kids, parents, big storm, storm is evil. Mist, there's something in the mist, townspeople stuck in store, stephen King, flying creatures, "The Mist"

In Space, noone can hear you scream, on earth it won't matter, Aliens, predators, army, containment, Aliens v Predator Requim...fuck ya looks good...sure it won't be. Great trailer

Dancing movie, teen age kids, sistuhs fighting, its time we form a crew and hit the streets, dance competition, hip hop "Step Up 2". Concerns me. Why do they keep making these films? They must be cheap to make.

Martin Lawrence, talk show host, going home to wacky black family, Cedric, hijinks, fat, "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins".

In the FBI cyber unit, bad website, killing on-line, this wevsite is something we've never seen before, when people go the site a drug is released to the person and kills them...more hits more drugs faster death, diane lane, "Untraceable" guy hiding in back seat.

Walk Hard, the dewey cox story...nuff said

Here we go, young urbans in theater, concerned about talking.

Mom brought a 6 and a 9 year old to this movie.

John Jay's fine critical analysis of the feature, apres le jump.

John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Trailer Review: Resident Evil 3

John Jay's covered both the trailer and the feature on this one-doesn't seem like RE3 require his full attention.

7:38

Only one in theater.

Not feeling Iron Man at all. I don't like when they deviate from the comic book costume.

Farmers, dead people. Border, woody harrelson, money leaves a trail, joel and ethan coen, josh brolin, sweaty, cowboy hats, a bad ass killer, No Country For Old Men...looks fucking awesome.

There are those that speak of a man bread from every killer in the Universe, Tim Olyphant, bald, HitMan...again, looks fucking awesome.

Stoned

American Gangster-great cast, family, you are either somebodyb or you aint nobody, he's not Italian, he's black, Frank Lucas is the most dangerous man walking the streets...maybe

Party, Eva Mendes, Joaquin and marky mark, two brothers, fighting, beyond their differences is loyalties. Drug deals, good cops We Own The Night...either great or it will be a turkey

They have lived in the shadows, they are the last og their kind, josh hartnett, somebody help, vampires aren't real jake, 30 Days of Night...oh fuck ya

8:20

Mila is hot

Nice narration at beginning to xplain everything

This isn't very good

The chicks are hot and dudes are scruffy

The company is trying to domesticate the flesh eating zombies

Stop talking and start zombie killng

This is really really bad

Okay this chick is so fresh and clean and everyone else is dirty and unshaven

Infected crow attack...cool

The Return of John Jay's Real Time Blackberry Movie Reviews

JJ's relocated to Portland, Oregon from Miami and hasn't been to many movies what with the move and all. All that's about to change.

Here's one set of trailer reviews from 9/22 (I know, I've been busy myself)>

At the Oak Tree Cinema's in Seattle

Seeing Bourne Ultimatum

Glenn Close, Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep, marines, iraq, high school recruits, crash landing, Helicopters, "Lions for Lambs

Bunch of old kooks in theater

Rendition...too much to type, terrorists,

R u the one they call Beowulf??
Armor, fire, warriors, sorceress, 300ish, monster, angelina jolie, same music as Sunshine trailer,

Blast in American compound in Saudi Arabia, FBI, jamie foxx, this a a serial murder, FBI in middle east, jen garner, "now they are the target" rpg in car, this fall, leave your world behind and enter THE KINGDOM

Denzel being black man, russel crowe as cop "either your somebody or you aint nobody" black man as black mafia, "American Gangster"

John Jay's Real Time Blackerry Trailer (And Feature) Reviews: Knocked Up

John Jay is the last American hetero sorta-indie guy between 14 and 45 who hasn't seen KNOCKED UP yet. He's rectifying that at the 1:20 show.

1:20

Getting coffee and pretzel

Think I'm here on time for trailers

Still jamaican fevered.

Me and 2 chicks here

Started trailer for Hairspray and theater went dark

Wait...here we go, lord this water's production has had legs. Travolta as a woman is hideous, good cast, energy...hey I love 50's gigs

Here we go...a trailer for Die Hard4...it came out last week. Stunts look so over the top love tim olyphant, on my list of man crush,

The Rock, football player, star quarterback that can take any hit is about to get a big one...little girl comes to door ...I'm your daughter, its a Disney film, looks so bad, the rock doing comedy is a bad mistake...wrong choice, "The Gameplan" fucking terrible, no one will see it.

1:30

Superbad..looks super funny if you want to know...George Michael from Arrested D is one of kids.Oh good lord...the This Ted and Jim or whatever gay movie domestic partners adam sandler and Brooklyn dude fat guy...so bad and puts us back 19 years socially. Oh for fucks sake...an Evan Almighty...come on, I pay money for my ticket I expect new trailers. I hope it makes no money. God it looks terrible. So dissapointed in Steve Carrel's choice. He needs to stay raunchy Here we go...KnockedUp