St. Patrick's Day Hangover Edition (Late, Due to Hangover)

This is a story about Bob and Tom.

More specifically, Bobby Bang-up and Tommy Torn-up, the two fictional, hungover guises of my friend Stu.

Sometimes I'll get a text in the morning which says, simply, "Bob." This means that Stu has woken to find himself as Bobby Bang-up, a man whose head feels as if it's in the clamps of a vice, his throat sore from too many late-night cigarettes, his brain driven to distraction by the mildest honk of a horn or a stray beam of sunlight.

Bob is also a man who needs to get to work, while Tom (a.k.a. Tommy Torn-up) is a man so incapacitated, so beset by tremors and mind-rot and merciless, full-body agony that not only can he not make it into the office, his stomach turns at the mere thought of the effort required. I also get texts from Stu saying "Tom," though these usually come around 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon.

Today, I'm Bob. I cooked and cleaned and tended the grill for a great neighborhood party last night, and on the way to the end of the evening I had one (several) glass(es) too many of Over Under Winter Punch.

It happens. But when it does, how do you get over it?

My favorite hangover remedy used to be a healthy dose of Angostura bitters in orange juice... until I realized that Angostura runs about 80 proof - in fact, all aromatic bitters are similarly boozy, as a lot of alcohol is needed to properly macerate the various herbs and spices. And while hair of the dog is the quickest way to get rid of a hangover, it doesn't really solve the problem - it just delays it.

I've since moved on to a hearty breakfast, lots of water, and something sugary and carbonated - Coca Cola usually does the trick, though the extra pomegranate soda I had leftover from the punch yesterday is getting the job done quite nicely.

Let's hear some more:

Site founder Jason Rowan: "After a too-big night I always go for Advil, as much water as you can take and, if the stomach is upset some Stonyfield Farms lowfat plain yogurt. One recent morning I found myself buying Tumms, a first in my drinking career, and a possible warning sign of a larger problem that I handily chose to ignore.  The steam room at the gym is great for instant detox, but barring that a long hot shower is effective. One of the most gnarly hangovers I've heard about drove its victim to sit under a hot shower on a lawn chair, wearing sunglasses, drinking a beer."

Others:

- "Leftovers from whichever restaurant I got drunk at the night before - seems fitting."

- "A double shot of Wild Turkey 101."

- "Getting off the couch and into social scenarios helps to change personal focus from the pain to the event (sunshine and being in Key West is a big bonus if you can swing it)."

- "Nothing but sleep. I've tried everything under the sun, and only sleep gets me back to normal."

- "Bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a bagel from the bodega on my corner, plus a large bottle of red or orange Gatorade.

- "Sex."

And, the winner of the Putting In the Most Effort Award:

- Oliver Rockaway's Hangover Elixir:
        4 oz. orange-flavored Pedialyte
        2 oz. orange Gatorade
        1 oz. cranberry juice
        1 oz. orange juice
        5 mg. Valium (finely ground)
        Combine all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice; shake violently and strain into a pint glass full of         ice; garnish with orange slice and umbrella; drink, and repeat until hangover has subsided.
            (Author's note: "Years of searching for a genuinely real cure for symptoms of a hangover have led to this recipe. This is the closest to a medical cure I've come across [hence the medications in the recipe]. No doubt you will feel a change within minutes of drinking this concoction. This recipe was invented in Cherry Grove, NY, at Jumping Jacks.")

J.C.

Comments

[Jason Hamilton]

Weed and pizza... it is all about the grease and the ability to devour the grease.

[Arlo]

The water from 2-4 fresh coconuts (about 2 pints) usually does the trick, or at least sets a good baseline for the day's remaining efforts- zapping that total-dehydration/hollowed-out-feeling almost instantly. "Experts" say coconut water is a fine balance of proteins, antioxidants, good fats and sugars, and isotonic electrolytes, and apparently it's pure and sterile enough to be injected intravenously and used in blood transfusions. Try that with Gatorade. Anyway, it works. If there are no palms in your neighborhood, check the store for the "fresh young thai" coconuts, and stock up the night before. No one wants an epic grocery store tour in that condition.

[Crazy Rich]

So true...Bob is only made to leave by more booze...and the White Maiden...